I'm Bristol's Baby Daddy (The Ballad of Levi's Johnson)

I'm Bristol's Baby Daddy
You've probably seen me on TV
I was a hockey playin' redneck
Til the night she got a hold of me

We wuz halfway thru a six pack
When I got me an erection
Now Im in a fix cuz it wasn't Christian
For her to use protection

Now the governor loves Jesus
She wuz mad as she could be
I was fixin' to run when she pulled out a gun
And pointed it straight at me

She said "you're marryin' my Bristol
or eatin' lead from this pistol"
Then she stuck me in suit, scraped the shit off m' boots
and dragged me down to the RNC

Now I've never been the kinda dude
to let a woman mess with my head
But when pit bull Palin shows her teeth
You better roll over and play dead
I'm Bristol's Baby Daddy
Cuz I was thinkin' with my cock
Now me and Bristol are gettin' hitched
And it sure look good on Fox

Spoken: I woulda used a condom but her mama's a Republican
And she told her it ain't Christian. Guess you just gotta leave it in God's hands
When I was doin Bristol she said the Lord would be watchin over us
and he sure has - in a big, big way

Palin packs a big ole rifle
take a moose out with one shot
But I don't want her baggin' me
that's why we're tyin' the knot
I'll stick with Bristol til November
But I want her to remember
When the barracuda wins I'm a free man again
and I'm doin' someone new in December