MUSIC & LYRICS
Reel Cowboys (Like Pussy)
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LYRICS
The other night my wife came in and said,
"Travis, get yer lazy duff up offa the couch, we're goin' to the movies!"
I said, "Oh, come on, Honey, I been workin'all day
let me just sit here and watch the tube and zone out".
She said, "Oh Honey,you'll love this flick- it's a western".
Then she goes on and on non-stop
about how it's a critics' favorite
and everybody loves it and it's an important new film.
That's when I got suspicious- when she called it a "film".
But I said "what the hell"
and I grabbed my jacket and we jumped in the truck
and went down to the Main Street Cineplex ,
sat down with a gallon of Coke and a jumbo popcorn.
Flick started out normal enough I suppose-basic cowboy movie.
But then, about thirty minutes into it..
I I II can't..I I..won't even attempt to describe what I mean,
Duke Wayne must be spinnin' in his grave like a turbine right about now!
I said, "Honey, what the hell did you take me to - what is this shit"
Reel cowboys- don't kiss on the lips
(damn right)
Reel cowboys- don't grab each others' dicks
(no, they don't)
This time they done went too far- I'm here to let 'em know
(listen up)
Reel cowboys- like pussy!
Man, I shot outta my seat like some butt pirate'd snuck up behind me, I tell you what.
And my wife, she was like "Honey, Honey, come back! Sit down!"
I was knockin' people over, popcorn flyin' everywhere,
just tryin' to get the hell out of that theater
so I could go home and take a shower!
And I was screamin' and cussin' and they called security and everything
and there was some cops outside in the parkin' lot
'cause there was a Dunkin' Donuts right next door
and they grabbed me and threw me up against the car
and the Chief said, "Sir, what exactly is the problem here"
Of course, he couldn't understand why it was I flipped out
so I looked him right in the eye and I said:
Reel cowboys- don't kiss on the lips
(not where I come from)
Reel cowboys- don't touch each others' dicks
(heaven forbid!)
This time they done went too far
I'm here to let 'em know
(let'em know!)
Reel cowboys- like pussy!
The cowboy movie is a sacred American tradition.
And what them queer fellas was doin'up there, on that screen,
is a slap in the face to everything that's great about this country,
and an insult to the memories of the men that built the American cinematic tradition of the cowboy movie:
The Duke. James Coburn. Clint Eastwood. Anthony Quinn.
I don't really think he was American, but what the hell.
I urge all you red-blooded red-staters to pick up your pens tonight
and write a letter to your congressman,
urgin' them to stop the tide of filth
that's overwhelming our movie theaters throughout this great country of ours,
and start showin'real western movies, with real cowboys, that like real pussy.
Thank ya!
Reel cowboys- don't kiss on the lips
(hell no!)
Reel cowboys- don't suck each others' dicks
(last time I checked)
This time they done went too far- I'm here to let 'em know
(you heathen devils!)
Reel cowboys
(trust me on this)
Reel cowboys
(Leviticus 20:13!)
Reel cowboys Like pussy!
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